Humor

What’s in Santa’s Sack for the Class of 2022?

Santa came late this year, but here is the list of presents for the Class of 2022.

Albert Amankwa-Asare – New shins
Erol Aydin – Boxing gloves
Don Baker – Cadet girls
Nic Ball – Cannibal Corpse titles
Walt Bannerman – More Tik Tok followers
Will Banzet – A new average joes team
Will Bartlett – Spare leg
Julian Beaujeu-Dufour – Dance lessons
Fairbanks Bourne – A haircut
Maginnis Burke – Other D&D players
Jordy Burnette – Chick-fil-A Sauce
Smith Callaghan – New bookie
Robert Caskey – Ice cream bars
Taeho Cha – Mousetrap
Hugh Collie – Different place of residence
Duncan Connell – Muscle milk
Coops Cooper – Hair clippers
Avatar Copper – S.Pellegrino
Samuel Crosby – Back support
Tanner Cummings – Fir tree allowance
Aidan Cushman – Puberty
Daniel Dai – The Curry Package
Levi Dawit – Anger management
Owen Diesel – Bocadiesel
Noam Diggs – Alarm clock
Jimmy Dinh – Raspberry Pi
Collin Do – A full nights sleep
Caleb Donelson – Island defense
Dualeh Dualeh – Better hairline
Max Dunn – A new walk
Carter DuPuy – The Grind
Turner Edwards – Teddy bear
Oliver Ellis – A Bando 
Kamp Gary – KA prebid
Sebastian Gibb – A date with “the Devil”
Lang Gibson – An A in English 
Cole Greene – Bigger Speaker
Henry Griffin – Real UNC jersey
Hunter Groton – A bedtime
Gavin Guzek – UPI          2            RA
Trey Hanson – A negative COVID test
Carter Harrell – Humor
Nic Hawkins – A real offer
John Hill – Cologne
Harry Hood – Lee Dudley comparisons
Reid Hood – Humility
Ben Hulsey – Time off-campus
Charles Innes – An encyclopedia 
Wills Jannerbo – Another knife
Alexander Jiang – Longer RC car track
Perrin Jones – Rap career 
Jun Kim – Another soccer season
Pierce Kiser – Fortnite snaps
Henry Lathrop – A new nickname
James Lee – A voice
Conner Lessane – A roommate
Matt Leverrette – Height 
Thomas Li – Ping Pong Paddle
Jack Lindemann – Guitar strings
Tut Linen – Upper Turner Antics
Thomas Loebsack – Clemson merch 
Drew Lytle – “Softer” beat stick
Bear Mangum – Plane ticket back to Phoenix
JT Manor – Anime body pillow
Danny McKay – Cal Naughton jr drip
Aidan McManamey – A pot O’gold
Asa McManamy – parka
George Wade Mohamed – Duck call
Ben Monroe – Editing skills
Noah Nejina – No soul
McGuire Neuman – 3 Blind Mice
Winslow Newton – A new NFL team
Jimmy Nguyen – Age
Andy Nogas – Another burner account
Jay O’Keefe – SARMS
Pen Oldham – Shower “stomper”
J Owens – Comment section debates
Andy Park – Tik tok Collab
Bennett Perry – Night Clubs
Harold Perry – A room on Hanes
Winston Ransone – Sipho
Bryce Reid – New pants (From DC)
Nick Reynolds – St. Chris connections
Scott Riske – A Canes Stanley Cup
Johnny Russell – Communism
Saad Salih – New knees
Reid Seck – Another birthday
Gabriel Smith – UPI          2            RA
Monty Swafford – Stolen valor
Sam Swinson – @Slam
Jack Thomas – Bojangles
Noah Vaughn – Shoes with grip
George Wallis – A working AJ schedule
Weston Wharton – Earplugs
Tate Whitmer – Aggression
Andrew Wilkerson – Peloton 
Shep Willis – Rocks (to kick)
Tank Yaghoubi – Tik Tok Alter ego
Gary Yu – More college apps
Max Zhai – Incognito Mode
Disclamer: Santa does not take refunds.

If there are any requests for changes, please contact an Oracle editor.

Categories: Humor